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Los cinco compañeros de Martin, incluido él, como querían terminar con la despedida de soltero a lo
grande, después de una prolongada fiesta con todos los ingredientes que
necesitaban, después de un día de opíparas comidas y con más botellas,
cubos de alcohol, y barrabasadas sin fin, decidieron acercarse a
un viejo club de putas, que tampoco eran jóvenes, para allí acabar con aquella despedida, que querían pasarse a la historia, más bien a la historia de sus jóvenes vidas.
Como ninguno de ellos sobrepasaba los 25 años consideraban que
todo lo que hiciesen seria poco.
Se fueron a este club de putas ya maduras, fue porque ellos sabían que en los que eran más
jóvenes, no aceptaban nos, más bien extraño. Las mujeres que allí encontraron todas eran mayores
de 40 años. Era de suponer que estos debían atender a pensionistas que
el gobierno de la nación, los había condenado
casi a la indigencia, olvidando que a estos, también se les ponía dura y que de cuando en cuando les apetecería, tocar algún culo, aunque este tuviese 50
años. Estaba claro, que los culos de sus mujeres,
tenían más de 20 años, que los del club. Y encima, algunos ya no estaban para saltos
de armario. La que no tenia artrosis, había perdido el vello de su
chocho, como también los había que querían que se las tirase algún joven que después de terminar volviese a empezar; y esto, aquellos pensionistas ya no lo lograban.
Cuando entraron en el local, que olía a perfume
de bajo precio comprado en las tiendas chinas, solamente quedaban 2 clientes tomando una
consumición en el mostrador. Casi era la hora de cerrar.
El que llevaba más litros ingeridos de agua de fuego, – como decían los indios americanos en las
películas y refiriéndose al whisky – acercose
a la dueña del prostíbulo que estaba al final de la barra
para preguntarle cuanto les cobraría por
cerrar la puerta del club, quedándose ellos solos con sus pupilas hasta que se cansasen. La dueña que ya
arrastraba sus 60 años con más penas que glorias, le dijo que aquello
les iba a costar 2.500€.- Ella sabía que ni con una semana lo sacarían.
Como los 2 clientes que allí había no llevaban idea de marcharse les ofreció
no cobrarles si se iban.
Ya con la puerta cerrada, y las luces exteriores también poniendo la música de maquina a todo volumen empezaron a bailar con aquellas señoras
que ejercían el oficio más antiguo de la humanidad y que tal como se iba calentando el ambiente e igual que sus clientes acabaron bailando
desnudas. Incluso la muy veterana dueña se añadió a la fiesta.
La pobre, a la que ya se le caían los pechos como si
fueran peonzas, mantenía en buena conservación un culo como los
que pintaron los clásicos hacia varios siglos.
Ella fue la que primero recibió en este la primera estocada de la noche.
Después, sus pupilas hicieron lo mismo. Cuando ya llevaban vaciadas más de media docena de botellas de champan, al más aguerrido de aquellos
clientes. Se le ocurrió la parida de la noche, eso sí,
que la actora de aquella escena se dejase fotografiar con el whatsapp, aún que fuese de
espaldas. La elegida aceptó encantada; nunca….
Nunca en su vida, tuvo una petición como aquella. Todo y que había
conocido a lo más florido de la especie humana. Esta, en la única mesa que había en el
club, y ayudándola a subir en ella, para que no volcase
la pobrecita, cumplió admirablemente con la petición de aquel cliente,
aunque eso sí, le costó un poco. Agachándose y en cuclillas encima de la mesa tanta fuerza,
hizo que se le escapó un pedo más que memorable de raros olores, para después soltar
la gran cagada. Por detrás, el cliente de la petición pudo hacer varias fotos para
la posteridad. Todos los que allí pudieron observar aquella
obra maestra,… todos, aplaudieron a rabiar. Quizá de haber estado
allí el gran Dalí, hubiese podido pintar un lienzo posiblemente
de incalculable valor, por ser más bien único. Una de las colegas de aquella, cargada de
champan y más contenta que un ocho, como tenía necesidad, de hacerlo,
se ofreció a repetir la escena. Para que todo quedase bien en las
próximas fotos, entre dos sacaron la mesa por la puerta trasera en donde había una manguera con agua a presión y la lavaron.
Después, se repitió la esplendida escena. Subieron a la chica a la que la vejiga ya la apretaba fuertemente esta casi
no tuvo tiempo de agacharse, se le escapó como un torrente toda la carga,
tanto… que salpicó al fotógrafo de turno que tenia detrás cámara en mano.
– el olor que deprendió tan fuerte era que al perfume
de los chinos con que limpiaban el local, lo barrió como un vendaval.
Esta vez, además de la manguera tuvieron que recurrir a la fregona para recoger
lo del suelo. Después en donde tiraban un litro de
aquel liquido perfumado chino, tuvieron que tirar 3 botellas de 1 litro.
Pasados más de 10 años de aquella noche con despedida de soltero a la que siguió la boda y posterior – mucho tiempo
después – divorcio. En el imaginario público, aun perduraba la célebre noche de
las grandes cagadas.
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